where always it's Spring

Does anyone have any idea of what might have happened to Dumbledore's hand?

[Private]

It's late, it's Friday, and I'm all alone
Without you this place doesn't feel like home
So close your eyes and think of me
Think of how we used to be
When everything was charming and charmed


I can't believe I completely forgot about Circe's second album coming out. My dad brought it home last week for me, as a present for doing so well on my OWLs or so he said. I've been listening to it non-stop since then even though parts of every song make me hurt. I like "Our Charmed Life"; she didn't sing that one at the concert, so it was new.

And of course "On The Wings Of An Abraxan" is still my favourite.

I shouldn't have Warded this. I should ask everyone else what they think - but I can't deal with that stupid Cho Chang and her opinions. How dare she say that helping out St Mungos and war orphans isn't important? She's so self-centered, going on and on about her perfect life with her perfect boyfriend, and Edgecombe's apparently recovered from whatever was wrong with her in the first place, and Alicia's got a nice normal job and -

I don't know about Hannah and Meg and Lil. I should Owl them. I hope they're okay.


And I'll be flying to you tonight
On the wings of an Abraxan
The sky's never seemed so small

[/Private]

[Private]

I haven't Owled Edward in weeks. It's not as if he's Owled me, I suppose, but it was my turn to Owl him. I just don't know what to say and probably he doesn't either.

And I never replied to Hannah but I don't know what I'd say to her either. I think I want to see her, but when I mentioned it to my mother she said I should go, and that made me wonder if that's what I thought too, just that I should because it'd be good for me and not because I actually want to see her. I think I do, but at the same time I still don't want to see anybody because it's too much effort.

It's so much easier to be by myself right now and not have to worry about Owling or commenting on people's journal entries. I don't know what to say anyway.

[/Private]

[Private]

I passed all my OWLs and my parents say they're proud of me and this is what I wanted but I'd give it all up in an instant if it would bring her back. I wanted her to be proud of me too. My parents say if I want to talk about it then they're there for me, but there's something too mechanical and practised about their words, like they're saying it because they should, not because they really want to talk about it. They're just carrying on like normal now, they've gone back to work, and I suppose it's because after the first war they're just - they're used to dea- it. But she's gone, she was mur- and she's never coming back and how could anybody get used to this? They tell me it'll get better, it gets easier with time, but it's been fifteen days and after those first couple of days of numbness and shock it's now started hurting more.

I just want it to stop hurting.

I want her back.

[/Private]

This weather is so awful. It'd be bad enough getting all this mist and damp in summer if it were a normal year, but the fact that it's caused by Dementors breeding... I don't want to think about how that's even possible. [DA only - except Edgecombe and Chang] I'm just glad I can conjure up a Patronus. It helps to keep the chill and the bad feelings away. [/DA] And I especially don't want to think about how there's nothing guarding the cells in Azkaban - except wizard guards, of course. Although since the ten worst Death Eater escaped back in January when the Dementors were still there, there's nothing to stop the recaptured ones escaping again.

I just wish Fudge would resign already. That's what everyone's calling for, and I agree. He's been absolutely useless this past year - and even before that, really. How can anyone who spent a year in denial have the strength and courage to win a war? I don't know why he hasn't stepped down yet, since nothing he can do will convince us that he's capable of being a leader in a time like this.


[Private to Hannah and Lil]

But I do have some good news...

Remember when I left our carriage to "accidentally" bump into Edward on the Hogwarts Express on Saturday? And we ended up having a very nice conversation? Well, he's Owled me, and hopefully we're meeting up to go for ice cream at Fortescue's in a few days! I mean, I still have to get permission from my parents, but I can't see them objecting.

I regret not doing this earlier, though.

[/Hannah and Lil]

I don't really know what to say except that if you haven't read today's edition of the Prophet yet, well, you really should. They've actually published the truth for once and seeing it written down in black and white is scarier than I thought it would be. So for everyone who thought Harry was lying, that You-Know-Who wasn't back, that Cedric Diggory's death was an accident: you were wrong.

I think I failed Ancient Runes.

Did anyone else find the Ancient Runes exam really difficult? Or was it just me?

And I've got such a headache and all I can think about is properties of potion ingredients and dates of goblin rebellions and I just want to go back to bed and spend the weekend doing nothing but I can't because then I'll fail my exams and I shouldn't even be wasting time writing this -

If Ernie asks me one more time how many hours' revision I've done today, I'm going to thump him over the head with my Runes dictionary!!

[Warded against Professors and Slytherins and the Inquisitorial Squad]

Oh gosh, I've just remembered it's Professor Sprout's birthday tomorrow! I've made a big card with a painting of her favourite flowers on the front, and I'm passing it around the Hufflepuff common room for everyone to sign, but if there's anyone else who wants to add their own message then come and find me after dinner, okay? Or if you want to make your own birthday card for her, that's fine too!

[Hufflepuffs Only] And I think a couple of us should go down to the kitchens after lunch tomorrow and get the house-elves to make some biscuits and a cake, and we can take those to our Herbology lesson and have a mini party! [/Hufflepuffs Only]

I think it's especially important to be nice to the professors we like in a time like this, and show them our support. After all, they don't have it easy either (with the exception of Professor Snape, of course, but nobody likes him apart from the Slytherins).

[/Ward]

[Private]

What's the matter with me? Why do I feel so fractious lately? It's partly that awful Marietta Edgecombe flaunting her (faked) memory loss and garnering sympathy (and from Lil as well!) and partly exam stress and career choice and -

Oh, I don't even know any more! I got another Owl from Mum this morning telling me she really thinks it would be best if I continued to take Ancient Runes at NEWT level, but I don't think I'm going to get an E or above. I don't want to put it down and then have the embarrassment of not being able to take it - but maybe it would satisfy Mum if I did that? Then she'd see it wasn't my fault, not really. I mean, I'm revising and doing everything I can but I can only do my best and some subjects I just don't understand. I want to take the subjects I like at NEWT level, like I told Hannah was the best thing to do, and not worry about my career just yet. And yet I know I should, because two years isn't that long, and it seems like most other people have at least some plan of what they want to do.

I just know that I don't want to work in the Ministry. Not the way it is now, with evil people like Umbridge being employed, and those ex Death Eaters that Harry mentioned in his Quibbler interview, and Fudge acting completely blind to what's going on. I don't want to be a part of that! If I'm even clever enough to work at the Ministry in the first place.

So why can't my parents understand that?

And why can I never say the right thing?

[Private]